Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Dark Side of the Spoon

As of next week H and I will have been together for 11 years. H has been a chef for 10 of those years and I have never once felt like I was missing out on anything, having a partner who works so much...until now.

Most of our friends have now moved out of the city, my closest friends including my sister all live overseas, my parents live down the coast. This does not leave a girl with many options for human contact during the week. To be honest it's not even general socialisation I'm craving, I just miss my husband.

Every night I come home to an empty house, sure the cat is there but no matter how much I talk to him he doesn't answer back, with words I mean, he is constantly telling me he loves me with his eyes...SEE, I've become a crazy cat lady! Twenty-something married women are not supposed to be crazy cat ladies!

H doesn't understand and I can't ever expect him to. He has the opposite problem and I'm sure he craves some alone time but quite frankly I am sick of my own company, I'm just not that interesting.

Being married to a chef has a lot of benefits - great food, exciting adventures and proof that the expression 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is absolutely true, but lately the mind numbing lonliness has been taking over.

I often think about what it will be like when we have children. Obviously it will be difficult but I guess it is for all new parents, and lots of families have one parent working long hours or shift work or the likes.

This post has been a little less jovial than usual but the blog is supposed to be about the life of a chef's wife and this is a big part of it. We all make sacrifices and compromises for the people we love and I would never ever ever ever expect H to make any changes to his career or choice but sometimes the person who sits around waiting for him gets to have a bit of a winge (once in 11 years isn't so horrible is it??)

So a big hug goes out to all the hospitality widows and widowers out there, this one's for you!


  1. i know how you feel about the mind numbing lonliness. and the crazy cat lady thing. i find myself actually talking to my cat.

    i hope you start feeling less lonely :)


  2. At least we're talking to the cat and not to ourselves!


  3. Not a fun life for a chef's wife. I was speaking to a former top Sydney chef today and he said he would still become a chef, but wished that it wasn't so hard on his partner.

    Maybe some day you will be able to join him a la Kathy & Ute?

    Life is a bitch, but for support is needed for talented chefs.

    OK to bitch once in 11 years.

  4. Event management is the same busy all day and then into the night! I never find the time to socialise! :D

  5. Hey there, I just came by your post (a year late) and I really feel I can relate. I'm about to marry a man just starting out in the culinary world. This past summer was the first summer he worked since graduating from chef school and I already started feeling it. I'm slowly learning to deal with it, but it still bothers me every now and then. I'm worried because it didn't take me 11 years! How do you cope?

  6. My husband is a restaurant m,anager, not a chef--but the same hours I still deal with. I wrote a piece in Epicure last year about it 'Catering to all, everyone but me'--not my title choice, but yes, I understand all of this--it sucks.

    I want to create a network of hospitality wives to catch up with every now ang again, so if you are keen, email me at

    Take care out there,